Winter Camps

Y'all know how passionate I got about arranging Star's 4 weeks off in August.  So, it would make sense that I would get equally passionate about her 2 week winter break.

But, no.  For some reason, I didn't put near the same amount of passion into figuring out her December time off as I did her summer time off.

Week 1 - I had Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday off for "the winter holidays", but let's be honest - it was for Christmas.  If they wanted to give me time of for Hanukkah they would have done it a month earlier!  Political/religious rant aside, Star and I had some fun adventures together.  On Wednesday, Scott also took the day off and we had family adventures.  We drove down to Burlingame to check out a playground which came highly recommended that we hadn't been to before.  And, the playground lived up to the hype.  There was a really long slide which both Star and I were too scared to go on, but Scott did it.  There were various climbing things and bouncy things.

After the playground, we played bocce and Star rode her bike around.  A park ranger was driving around, hopefully getting paid extra for working instead of being with her own family.  She called out to us, "Merry Christmas!"  "You too!!", my husband and I called back enthusiastically.  Then, she said to Star, "Did Santa bring you good stuff?"  Star looked at her like she was crazy.  In that situation, I'm never sure what to do.  I don't want to make the person asking feel bad, she was only trying to be nice.  But, I also don't want to be dishonest.  So, as nicely as I could, I said, "Santa doesn't come to our house."  She then made a friendly comment about the weather and drove off.

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Star was with my parents, and Scott and I worked.  Saturday afternoon, I picked her up, and then we actually had a babysitter come over so Scott and I could go to a housewarming party.  We hadn't been to a party together without Star in a while!

Sunday and Monday, cousins visited.  They have a daughter who is 6 months younger than Star.  Star and she get along wonderfully well and look similar!  We visited them in LA a while back.  We went to the Steam Trains and had a nice time together.  

Week 2 - This was the week that could have been a disaster but turned out not to be.  I had planned for Star to be with one of her classmates at a nanny share.  But, I misunderstood the whole plan, and Star was going to be taking the place of her classmate's younger brother in the nanny share while the family went out of town.  So, Star was stuck there with a super young kid for 1 day.  It was awful for her.  I left work early to pick her up.

She was supposed to be with the nanny share for 2 more days, but Scott and I weren't going to put her through that.  So, we signed her up for Camp Gan Izzy at the last minute and Star loved it.  It's run through our local Chabad and they definitely have some motives about exposing kids to Orthodox Judaism, but that's fine with us!  They went on super fun adventures (Marine Mammal Museum, Jelly Belly Factory).  At the end, they presented the kids with a framed photograph of their whole group together.  This was for a 3 day camp.  It was really amazing.  Star loved it. 

Household Helpers

The title of this post feels so ostentatious somehow.  But, truthfully, I could not live my life without the help we pay for.

(1) We have a cleaning service that comes every other week.  The do deep cleaning, sweep, mop, dust, clean the kitchen, toilet, and shower.  They don't do dishes.  If I unintentionally leave anything dirty in the sink, they will intentionally ignore it.  The only straightening they do around the house is that they make Star's bed and line up all her little stuffed animals.  They seem to love that.

(2) My husband and/or I cook dinner only a few nights a week.  The other nights, we use SpoonRocket, OneLessThing, or Munchery.  I enjoy cooking - I really do - but with the time pressure of getting it on the table at a certain time so we can all eat as a family and let our daughter get to bed by 7pm, cooking from scratch is not going to happen most days of the week. 

(3) We pay people to finish getting Star ready in the morning and walk her to school 4 days a week.  Generally I have two people doing this job - each of them takes 2 days a week.  Having two people in this role gives me security; if one of them is busy or sick (or quits!), then the other one can hopefully step up a bit.  The people in this position gets to our house at 7:30 in the morning.  When they drop her off at school, the helper signs her in, and sends us a text (ideally with a picture) saying that everything went fine.  This is probably the most crucial job for our family right now.  Star's school starts at 8:30am, and not a minute earlier.  So, if I take her to school, I generally am not "free" until 8:45 after I check her in, say hi to her teachers and the other parents.  Then, I wait for the bus, then BART and get to work by 10am.  That's too late.  I like my workday to start by 8:30am, so I can end the day on the earlier side and spend evening time with my family.  We are currently interviewing for this position.  We loved 1 of our morning people last semester and she was going to stay with us this semester, but she changed her school schedule at the last minute and now we're scrambling to get these roles filled again. 

(4) Nannies and Babysitters.  I rarely pay for a babysitter.  We are really lucky because my parents live close by and they willingly spend a lot of time with Star, and we are in a babysitting coop.  But, I'll happily pay for a babysitter if neither of those usual options are available.  When I do hire someone, I'll use one of our morning helpers, or a nanny that we used in the past. 

Having all of these services lined up lets my husband and I both work full time, and frees up some of our non-work hours to spend with each other (when we're not grocery shopping, paying bills, arranging playdates, exercising, and seeing our own friends!)

"Mommy, I want to be a Princess Carrying a Ladybug"

That's what Star said when we started talking about Halloween costumes. 

So, I executed.  In September, while my in-laws were visiting, my mother-in-law and I went to the yarn store.  I knew I was looking for something kind of like ribbon yarn.  I ended up buying 2 yarns, from the sale section, to hold together.  For the bodice, I basically followed a pattern with a ton of modifications.  But, it got me what I wanted.  

Here's a closeup of the dress in progress.  The knitting took a lot of work.  I knitted while commuting to and from work.  The knit stitch is a seed stitch - knit 2, purl 2 - but you can't really see the stitch through the yarn.  But, what the stitch adds to the bodice is a lot of stretchiness which is what I was aiming for.

I added a bunch of yarn overs, relatively evenly spaced, throughout the bottom of the bodice where I knew I wanted to hang my tulle.

While I was knitting the bodice, I had a few fittings with Star where I would hold up the top to make sure I was basically getting the size and shape that I was looking for.

After the knitting was done, I hung the tulle, and then I crocheted around the armholes and neck with the light pink tulle to bring some sort of cohesion to the dress. 

I procured the ladybug from a seller on Etsy.  This ladybug is a totally expertly made stuffed animal.   If I ever have enough time and patience, I'd love to learn how to create stuffed animals this well. 

At school, there was only 1 other student ("friend") wearing a homemade costume.  For some reason, that surprised me, but we all seem to be busy parents and store-bought costumes are easy to find! 

Star was proud to wear her costume.  She told her friends that I made it for her.  And, we put it in a special place in her room so she can wear it again - possibly without the ladybug accessory this time. 

Review of Camp Mommy

Back in this post, I pre-worried about planned for Star's weeks off from preschool.  Here's how it went.

Week 1 - Jewish camp in the morning.  The camp itself was fine - not spectacular and not horrible.  Truth be told, it wasn't even a camp.  It was just their normal preschool which Star joined for a week.  I liked that Star got a bit of Jewish exposure here.  The other main positive to this week was that Star did great in an unfamiliar environment.  If there was an activity or a game she wanted to join in, she would observe for a bit and then find a way in.  She would introduce herself to other people.  I was so impressed with her social skills.

There were a bunch of not good things about this week.

• I dropped her off at 9am and picked her up at 12:30pm.  With parking and driving time, there wasn't a lot of free time for me.
• We ran into a lot of people from our past.  For instance, an ex-girlfriend of Scott's who knew who I was but who I had no idea who she was.  Running into people like this from our past wasn't bad, but it was a bit weird.
• I felt like the teachers and the parent community wasn't as good as Star's regular preschool.  Maybe this is because there wasn't enough time to establish continuity and connections, but it was disappointing nonetheless.  

Week 2 - Mommy Camp and Trip to LA.  On Monday of this week, Star and I had a playdate at Habitot with an old friend of mine and the 4 year old girl that she nannies for.  That was super fun.  Then, Star participated in a study at BabyLab - we did a few of these studies when she was younger.  On Tuesday, she had a Dentist appointment, and then we met friends at Crab Cove in Alameda where we participated in a program on poop!  We learned about different kinds of animal poop and then walked around outside looking for it.  It was a bit gross, but Star loved it.  Then, we had a picnic lunch on the beach.  

On Wednesday, we drove off to Los Angeles.  We stayed with cousins and Star got along wonderfully with her cousin who is 6 months younger than she is.  One day, Star and her cousin went to the cousin's day care together, and I took Scott to Orange County so he could see where I grew up.  The next day all six of us went to Disneyland.  This wouldn't have been our top choice, but our cousin is currently working at ABC so he gets free tickets.  The day after that, we went to breakfast with a Junior High/High School friend of mine and her family, and then went to the LA County Museum of Art with our cousins - the picture here is of Star and her cousin doing some watercolor painting at this museum.  It was a good trip.

Week 3 - Monkey Business Camp.  I had her scheduled from 8:30am-6pm so that I could have some nice long stretches of time to myself.  But, the problem was that she wasn't napping there.  So, if I pick her up at 6, she'd be horrible until she fell asleep.  By mid-week, she wanted to be picked up at 3:30pm when some other kids get picked up.  So, I cut my days short so I could pick her up at 3:30pm and let her nap in the car for 2 hours before we started dinner and our night time routine.  Other than the nap issues, I felt that this camp was OK.  It seemed like they did the basics to meet the requirements of camp - play, craft project, sing...  But, if I ever asked about how Star's day was, the counselors couldn't give me any specifics.  And, Star has said that she doesn't want to go back to Monkey Business next year.

Week 4 - I went back to work and Star went to her preschool's camp for a week.  It was nice to be back in a familiar environment, but camp even at our preschool, which we think of very highly, wasn't as good as regular school is there.    

Now, we're back to the work full time juggling madness.  Camp Mommy was an overall success - I'll change some things up for 2014, but I'm looking forward to Camp Mommy Year 2.  

Money

I'm a few days in to Camp Mommy.  I am taking unpaid time off from work to focus more on me and being a mom.

Hopefully, I'll write a post up soon about our Camp Mommy adventures, but this post is about MONEY.

(1) I decided that my 7 year old MacBook was about to die and take with it all the photos that are in iPhoto.  Backup solutions weren't working because my computer seemed too old to get its data somewhere else.

So I bought a 1 year old refurbished MacBook Pro.  It came yesterday.  I set up the Migration Assistant so my old computer could tell my new computer all its secrets, and 15 hours later, I love my new laptop!  It seems so smart and efficient.

$1,100

(2) I took my car to the shop.  The bumper was hanging off and I suspected it needed some sort of service.  They agreed to bang in the bumpers so that nothing would be hanging off.  I don't need it to be pretty, but functional.  And, my car was due for a major service.  We bought it 3 years ago and it was time for all its parts to be checked out.

$500

(3) While the car was at the shop, they discovered that the tread on all 4 tires was dangerously low.  One of the tires had 0 tread on it.  The others had 1, 2 and 3 units (?) of tread.  They said that I had to replace all the tires and it was dangerous to drive on them this way.

$600

The car is running great now.  Scott and I went hiking this morning, and the acceleration up the hills was way better than it used to be.  I think it was money well spent.  But, $2,200 out the door during my unpaid time!  Ugh.

4 Days Away

The job that pays me money is as a Law Librarian.  I often feel lucky that I found this career.  In law school, I knew I didn't want to practice law.  After law school, I worked as a mediator for a number of years until I met a woman at a conference who was a librarian.  I started library school and the rest is history.

One great thing about being a law librarian, is our national association called AALL, the American Association of Law Libraries.  I used to be quite active in AALL.  I am the founder of the Gen X / Gen Y caucus, and I've always enjoyed the conferences.  But, the last conference I went to was in 2007.

Since then, I've focused on getting pregnant, being pregnant, having a kid, raising a kid, and getting back into my profession.

Tomorrow, I leave for this year's AALL conference which will be held in Seattle.  I am going without my husband and without our daughter.  Things that used to be normal, flying by myself, staying in a hotel by myself, are now totally foreign to me. 

I'm worried that I will miss my daughter.  I'm worried that she'll miss me.  I'm worried that she won't miss me.  I'm worried that she'll get hurt.  I'm worried that I won't sleep well without my husband beside me.  I'm worried that the conference food will not work for my specific eating habits.

I hope I'll be able to enjoy Seattle and enjoy my profession.  Star says that she'll text me pictures.  I hope she does.  I hope we both have a happy 4 days. 

Pneumonia

It's been a rough few weeks.  After the horrible part wheat detox was nearly over and I was no longer acting like an addict searching for my next hit, I started coughing.  I did some googling and came to the conclusion that coughing could be a detox response, so I thought this was normal.  Then, my breathing started to get really labored and shallow.  On Saturday, I couldn't get enough oxygen in, so I went to urgent care.

End result, I had pneumonia and was having an asthma attack (which I had never had before.)

Now I'm on antibiotics, and therefore probiotics so I get back some of the good bacteria in my system; an inhaler; sudafed and mucinex.

Cough cough.  Wheeze wheeze.

Gearing Up For Camp Mommy

My husband and I both work full time.  Our daughter is a 3 year old in preschool.  Preschools take more days off than either of us do. 

This regularly impacts our lives.  Parent/teacher conference day is a day off for the kids from school, so that the teachers can meet with the parents.  (And by the way, I think it's totally adorable to have parent teacher conferences for our 3 year old girl.  I am somewhat obsessed with hearing other people talk about my daughter.)  On that particular day, the school that I work at was having our graduation ceremony, so I was busy in the morning while my husband was with our daughter.  Then, we hired a nanny for the afternoon so my husband could have a bit of a break, and then he and I met at the conference.

Friday before Memorial Day?  Preschool day off.  I'm not sure why.  Star spent the day with my parents.

We're approaching the biggest working parenting challenge of the year - summer break.  Star's preschool goes through the end of July.  In August, they have four weeks of optional camp each with a different theme.  But, I've decided to try out different things for August to get some variety.

So, I basically have 5 weeks to fill starting in the end of July through Labor Day.  I'll be taking a few weeks off from my job (unpaid) so I can run my version of Camp Mommy, be a chauffeur to various camps, and get a break for myself.

Here's how we put things together.

Week 1 - Jewish camp in the morning.  Camp Mommy in the afternoon.  And, a friend from my childhood will hopefully be visiting with her son.

Week 2 - Camp Mommy with hopefully a trip to Los Angeles for all 3 of us starting on Wednesday-ish.

Week 3 - Monkey Business Camp in Tilden Park.  This sounds super fun.  I'm envious.

Week 4 - I go back to work.  Star will do the water themed week at her preschool.

Week 5 - Star will spend the first few days with my parents, and then all three of us will go to Camp Tawonga Family Camp.  We went last year and enjoyed it!   

It seems like things will only get more complicated once she enters kindergarten and has 2 or 3 months off during the summer in addition to the random days throughout the year.  I'll cross that bridge when the time comes, but for now, I'm learning about the camp options and keeping track of them on a Pinterest board!

What I Want for Mother's Day

I'd like to have an errand free Mother's day.  Not the kind of errand free day when I choose to not do errands, but I know that I will get to them the next day; I'd like the kind of errand free day when the errands that I would have done somehow get done by someone else.  My husband?  A task rabbit?  Someone hired from Craigslist?  This would be a good way for me to feel like all the work I do to keep our house and our family running are valued.

I'd love Scott to tell me that I'm a good mom.  Words are generally my #1 gift of choice.

Ditto for Star.  I can already imagine her throwing her little arms around me and hearing her tell me that she loves me.  Whenever she hugs me, I try to breathe in her scent and feel her warmth.  Sometimes I do that and she says, "don't smell me, mommy."  But, I love smelling my little girl.  I just try to hide it from her so I don't get reprimanded.  I know that affection is precious. 

And, I'd like Star to make me some art on a canvas in a frame - ready to be hung.  Here's some recent art from Star which I love, but now I have to frame it or decide that it shouldn't be framed and store it away somewhere.  I've had it in my office for a few days on my filing cabinet; art waiting for a frame to be hung feels like another errand waiting to get done by mommy. 

Monster Family

I work at a Law School.  I am a Law Librarian and an Adjunct Professor there.  Each year, the students hold a Public Interest auction in order to raise money so that students can work in the public interest and be somewhat compensated.


Last year, when the committee in charge of this auction asked me to contribute, I was supportive, but not sure what I would do.  I ended up crocheting this monster.  I didn't attend the auction, but I think it went for $20 to a student who wanted to give it to his 2 year old nephew.

This year, the organizer has convinced me to crochet a whole monster family.  Here's what I've come up with.  A few of my students have commented on how much they love this monster family.

We did the same thing back when I was in Law School.  I remember one year I made a knitted felt hat to be auctioned off.  For some reason, there was a bidding war for my hat.  One of my classmates had a bit of a crush on me and bid way too much for it.  I think he thought that some personal services came with his buying of the hat.  Ah, my awkward law school days.

Q1 Update on New Year's Resolutions

As a refresher, here are the New Year's Resolutions that I made in January.

I thought it would be a good time for a bit of a check in.

Losing weight is not going very well.  Sometimes, I feel like I have the eating under control, and sometimes I feel like I have the exercise under control.  Very rarely, do they both feel good.  And, if they do, then I get sick, or it's a Jewish holiday, or I have late night work meetings, so everything backslides.

Blog weekly.  I feel like this is going pretty well.  It's occasionally a bit less than weekly, and occasionally, it's a bit more than weekly. 

More time in the day.  This is surprisingly going well.  The co-op has created more time.  And, we're using our meal delivery person more to steam vegetables for Star's lunches. We also have 2 wonderful babysitters for Star.  We trust them both and they are fabulous. 

Judaism.  Sometimes I think this is a total fail, but sometimes it feels like it's going well.  We are currently having a quite meaningful Passover.  I read Passover books in Star's class and brought matzah for everyone to snack on.  We went to a seder at my parents' house on the first night and hosted a seder on the 2nd night.  So, maybe that's a sign of success?  I still think it needs way more work. 

KinderCycle transition.  Totally done.  Check.

Writing for publication.  I feel like this is going well.  I have a few pieces I'm working on.

SFSU.  Check it off this to do list.  I explored it fully and I was hired to teach there in April.  But, my class didn't get enough students signed up so the class is cancelled.  They may ask me to offer it again in November, but honestly I'm thinking I should prioritize other things than adding more work commitments to my life.

Commute less.  Another epic fail.  I have no idea how to do this.

2013 Craftsy BOM.  I dropped out.  I hated it.  But, I'm now working on a green and orange quilt of my own design for Scott and I.

Sew a skirt.  I'd like to lose weight first.

I haven't knit the hat for the Israeli soldier yet.

Sew for Star.  Haven't done this recently.

To sum up, these are the things I still want to work on in the months to come:

• Lose weight
• Be Jewish as a family
• Commute less
• Quilt for Scott and I
• Sew a skirt for me.
• Knit a hat for an Israeli soldier
• Sew for Star.

That seems do-able.  I'll aim for another update on this next quarter. 

Stop the Glamorization of Busy

A full time lawyer who is super pregnant with #2 threw a birthday party for her 3 year old at her house  and baked a super impressive pink cake.  A student of mine sent a coherent email at 2am.  A co-worker came to work to finish a project even though he is sick.  Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer took a speedy 2 week maternity leave before jumping back into her full time work. 

I am impressed.

But, those anecdotes don't tell the story.   What did they give up to accomplish those feats?  What super-human powers do that have which I don't? 

With this blog post, I hereby aim to stop glamorizing busy.

I want to feel success based on how well I play with my daughter and by how patient I am with her.  By how well I love and respect my husband through the years. By how I prioritize time to keep my body healthy.  And, by the quality of my friendships.

Pinterest

On June 15th, 2012 at 2:32pm (I only know this because I looked back), I posted on Facebook:

           "Am I the only one who doesn't understand how Pinterest works?"

A number of people replied many of whom also didn't understand it, and one friend who had never heard of it.  But, a few people wrote about how great it is and what they use it for.

A few hours later, I was hooked; today, I am still totally hooked.  Here are some examples of how I use it.  

• My biggest Pinterest obsession is pinning pictures of jewelry and quilts that I want to eventually copy.  
•  I've been working on reorganizing my craft area (hopefully a blog post is coming soon about that), and one way I cut down the clutter in my craft room was by using Pinterest to pin things which I had previously printed.  Printing stuff hasn't been a great option for me because inevitably, I can't find print outs when I need them, and they create way too much clutter in our house.   
• For some reason, I'm pre-worrying about after school programs and summer camps.  My daughter still has 2 and a half years left of all-day preschool, but once she starts Kindergarten, I'll need some solutions so that my husband and I can work at times other than when her school is in session.  To keep track of options I hear about, I've created a board on Pinterest that I can look back at when the appropriate time comes.   

So, if you're on the fence about trying Pinterest, consider this an endorsement post.  I love, love Pinterest. 

Nanny

We had a bit of a gap in coverage in Star's childcare schedule last week.  Star's old preschool had ended, we had returned from our New Year's trip to Atlanta and her new school wasn't set to start until the following Monday.  So, we needed coverage over the first Wednesday, Thursday and Friday of January.

My mom, our usual backup childcare provider, would be with my nephew visiting from Los Angeles, so she wasn't an option.  I couldn't think of any creative options, so we had to hire a nanny.

I emailed about 20 nannies who had posted on Berkeley Parents Network.  Of those, about half weren't available during the time period I was looking for.  I email screened about 10 of them and had in person interviews with 2.

We liked both of the people who interviewed for the position.  We asked Star for her opinion, and she said that she wanted to play with both of them again, but she didn't think that candidate #2 was feasible.  Candidate #1 was feasible, in Star's opinion, so we hired her.

Jen started on Monday.  Let me stop to say that she is not a professional nanny.  She has nannied and babysat in the past, but she has another career that is her main focus.  She's not full time with the other career yet, so she's filling in her employment schedule by doing some nannying. 

She is amazing.  When I get home, they've put away all their toys, and Jen has somehow managed to do all the dishes - including the ones that Scott and I used for breakfast before Jen even arrived for the day.  It doesn't seem like she puts anything in the dishwasher.  She also makes Star's bed after nap time.

Jen asks smart questions.  "Do you compost?"  "How do you approach discipline?"  I was able to definitively answer the first question, but I somehow wiggled my way out of specifically answering the second question.

"We are having a great time!  We made a lion.  ;)  "

Throughout the day, she texted Scott and I pictures of Star with descriptions of what they are doing.  On day 1, when I returned home from work, Jen and Star were doing yoga.  Jen had tied Star's hair back into a ponytail (which Star generally won't let me do), and Star happily demonstrated to me various yoga poses which she had been doing.

"We made doggies with playdough!"

On day 2, Jen somehow got Star to nap in her bed for 2 hours.  I can't do that.  I generally resort to driving her around until she falls asleep or pushing her in the stroller.  I'm not proud to admit this, but I believe that sleep is a good thing, and I'm willing to help Star sleep however possible.

"We made a caterpillar and a rainbow tunnel!"

On day 3, they made their most impressive creation - a caterpillar going through a rainbow tunnel.  They also walked to the library and picked out a book on a caterpillar - it was a whole lesson plan!  Star napped again for 2 hours in her own bed.

Star was happy.  So, Scott and I were happy.  Generally, I prefer some sort of "school" environment over nannies so Star gets to play with multiple caregivers and multiple kids, but this nanny experiment has been a good one!  And, we've learned to trust Star's opinion more - Jen turned out to be way more feasible than the other nanny option.

Vacation Days = No Vacations

How do other families take real vacations?

At my job, I get 15 days of vacation each year, 12 sick days per year, 11 official holidays and 1 floating holiday.

This may sound like a lot, but let's break it down.

Floating Holiday

• I take my floating holiday for my birthday.  I hate working on my birthday.

Vacation Days

• I also take Scott's birthday as a vacation day and Star's birthday as a vacation day.  
• I generally have to take 2 vacation days to celebrate Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.
• I take 2 vacation days for my family's annual trip to Morro Bay.
• I take a few vacation days each year at some point for visits to see Scott's family (generally in Florida or DC) or to spend time with them when they come here.  Let's call this 4 days off.
• There are days when Star's school is off, but I don't have it as a holiday from work.  So, I either take that day as a a vacation day to spend with her or I hire a nanny for the day to be with her.

Sick Days

• There are some days that I'm sick so I stay home and use a sick day (there are plenty more days when I'm sick but don't stay home even though I should).  There are some days that Star is sick and I stay home with here.  And, there are days when I need a mental health day, so I count those as sick days.  That pretty much uses up all of my 12 sick days.

So, seriously, working moms, how are you taking trips where you don't visit family?  I need some tips.