I'm not usually one to complain...

...but it has been quite a bad few weeks.

• My workplace is struggling.  A lot.  It's a hard environment right now.
• My dad is sick.  In the hospital.  Long story.
• There's a bump on the back of my neck that needs to be cut out and sent to pathology.
• Star and I both had lice.  We had a lice checker come to the house last night to remove the lice from our heads and put a non-toxic spray thing in our hair.

Bring it on, universe.  

Household Helpers

The title of this post feels so ostentatious somehow.  But, truthfully, I could not live my life without the help we pay for.

(1) We have a cleaning service that comes every other week.  The do deep cleaning, sweep, mop, dust, clean the kitchen, toilet, and shower.  They don't do dishes.  If I unintentionally leave anything dirty in the sink, they will intentionally ignore it.  The only straightening they do around the house is that they make Star's bed and line up all her little stuffed animals.  They seem to love that.

(2) My husband and/or I cook dinner only a few nights a week.  The other nights, we use SpoonRocket, OneLessThing, or Munchery.  I enjoy cooking - I really do - but with the time pressure of getting it on the table at a certain time so we can all eat as a family and let our daughter get to bed by 7pm, cooking from scratch is not going to happen most days of the week. 

(3) We pay people to finish getting Star ready in the morning and walk her to school 4 days a week.  Generally I have two people doing this job - each of them takes 2 days a week.  Having two people in this role gives me security; if one of them is busy or sick (or quits!), then the other one can hopefully step up a bit.  The people in this position gets to our house at 7:30 in the morning.  When they drop her off at school, the helper signs her in, and sends us a text (ideally with a picture) saying that everything went fine.  This is probably the most crucial job for our family right now.  Star's school starts at 8:30am, and not a minute earlier.  So, if I take her to school, I generally am not "free" until 8:45 after I check her in, say hi to her teachers and the other parents.  Then, I wait for the bus, then BART and get to work by 10am.  That's too late.  I like my workday to start by 8:30am, so I can end the day on the earlier side and spend evening time with my family.  We are currently interviewing for this position.  We loved 1 of our morning people last semester and she was going to stay with us this semester, but she changed her school schedule at the last minute and now we're scrambling to get these roles filled again. 

(4) Nannies and Babysitters.  I rarely pay for a babysitter.  We are really lucky because my parents live close by and they willingly spend a lot of time with Star, and we are in a babysitting coop.  But, I'll happily pay for a babysitter if neither of those usual options are available.  When I do hire someone, I'll use one of our morning helpers, or a nanny that we used in the past. 

Having all of these services lined up lets my husband and I both work full time, and frees up some of our non-work hours to spend with each other (when we're not grocery shopping, paying bills, arranging playdates, exercising, and seeing our own friends!)

Hanukkah Presents

Let me start by saying that I am totally conflicted about Hanukkah presents.  I think that by giving Star presents every night, she begins to think that Hanukkah is only about the presents.  Totally makes sense.  And, I hate that.  I also think that we have way too much useless crap in the house and Hanukkah adds to that.  On the other hand, if we want to fit into society, even a little bit, we kind of have to conform to the present thing or else she will feel totally left out when her friends get presents for Christmas.  Star has very generous grandparents who want to fund presents for her and I still haven't figured out a way for us all (Star, Scott and I, and her grandparents) to be happy with the gift giving process or the gifts themselves. 

Negativity aside, there are 2 presents that Star got this year that I love.  I conceptualized them and purchased them, but they were mostly funded by my parents.

First is the art cart.  I love it.  I am obsessed with it.   I got the idea from Pinterest and copied shamelessly.  Here's mine Star's. It's an Ikea Kitchen Cart with various boxes on it holding different art supplies.   Star loves it.  She's played with it every day since she got it.  She'll get out different supplies (sometimes beads and string, sometimes paper and pens, sometimes paper and scissors), and she'll play creatively by herself for quite a while. In the picture here, she said that she's working on a Hanukkiah (Hanukkah Menorah).  Another great thing about this is that it's easy to put all your supplies away when it's time to clean up.  She's been putting projects in progress on the bottom shelf so she can get them out next time she wants to play with them.  Also, it's on wheels, so it generally lives in my craft area of the living room, but she can roll it to the dining room or wherever she wants to do her art. 

The second present which I love is a dress up box.  This is again an Ikea thing filled with all her tutus, wings, firefighter hats, sunglasses and leotards.  Again, a total success.  She has played with this by herself and with friends who have come over.  Hours of creative fun. 

The presents on the other nights of Hanukkah are not nearly as impressive.  Last night was a collection of warm hats.  She got a few books one night.  Tonight, she's getting magnetic felt letters to play with on the refrigerator. 

Baby Loves Disco, but did the whole family?

The past few times that Baby Loves Disco has been to town, we've been busy.  So, this time, I bought tickets a few months early and committed ourselves as best as I know how - I put it on our joint Google calendar.  Star got sick a few days before the event, so there was potential that my plans would be thwarted, but she was healthy by yesterday, so we went.

And, did baby love it?  Yes, she did.  She said that her favorite things were the neon bracelets that she got from the party host on the stage.

Scott said that he'll never go back.  When I tried to get clarity on this, he said that it combined his least favorite aspects of clubbing with his least favorite aspects of parenting.  It was definitely hard to be a child monitor with loud music and dim lights.

My experience was mixed.  When we walked in, I saw a lot of latex balloons.  I panicked a bit about dying, but then I mellowed out.  Star loved playing with the balloons - she's totally a balloon slut when she can be because she knows that her opportunities to snuggle with balloons are very limited. The snacks ranged from the healthy (carrots with hummus) to the unhealthy.  Star decided on a lolipop.  On the plus side, I love dancing to trendy music so that totally worked for me. 

I'd go back.  Maybe as a playdate with friends since I'm pretty sure that my husband will be opting out. 

"Mommy, I want to be a Princess Carrying a Ladybug"

That's what Star said when we started talking about Halloween costumes. 

So, I executed.  In September, while my in-laws were visiting, my mother-in-law and I went to the yarn store.  I knew I was looking for something kind of like ribbon yarn.  I ended up buying 2 yarns, from the sale section, to hold together.  For the bodice, I basically followed a pattern with a ton of modifications.  But, it got me what I wanted.  

Here's a closeup of the dress in progress.  The knitting took a lot of work.  I knitted while commuting to and from work.  The knit stitch is a seed stitch - knit 2, purl 2 - but you can't really see the stitch through the yarn.  But, what the stitch adds to the bodice is a lot of stretchiness which is what I was aiming for.

I added a bunch of yarn overs, relatively evenly spaced, throughout the bottom of the bodice where I knew I wanted to hang my tulle.

While I was knitting the bodice, I had a few fittings with Star where I would hold up the top to make sure I was basically getting the size and shape that I was looking for.

After the knitting was done, I hung the tulle, and then I crocheted around the armholes and neck with the light pink tulle to bring some sort of cohesion to the dress. 

I procured the ladybug from a seller on Etsy.  This ladybug is a totally expertly made stuffed animal.   If I ever have enough time and patience, I'd love to learn how to create stuffed animals this well. 

At school, there was only 1 other student ("friend") wearing a homemade costume.  For some reason, that surprised me, but we all seem to be busy parents and store-bought costumes are easy to find! 

Star was proud to wear her costume.  She told her friends that I made it for her.  And, we put it in a special place in her room so she can wear it again - possibly without the ladybug accessory this time. 

My Head

Let's all pretend that it hasn't been almost a month since I posted last, Kay?

If you do need some reason for my blogging absence, here goes...  I got a head cold.  Then I needed some gum surgery for an overgrown, infected gum.  (If anyone needs a great Periodontist in the Berkeley area, I now have one to recommend!)  My in-laws were in town which wasn't a bad thing, necessarily, but it was definitely an addition to our already crazed schedule.  And, then my jaw bone started coming out of my gums, so I had to go back to the periodontist yesterday to have my jaw bone filed down and tucked back into my gums.

Things are getting back to normal now (knock on wood, cross my fingers, whatever...), so I hope to get back to posting weekly or so. 

Money

I'm a few days in to Camp Mommy.  I am taking unpaid time off from work to focus more on me and being a mom.

Hopefully, I'll write a post up soon about our Camp Mommy adventures, but this post is about MONEY.

(1) I decided that my 7 year old MacBook was about to die and take with it all the photos that are in iPhoto.  Backup solutions weren't working because my computer seemed too old to get its data somewhere else.

So I bought a 1 year old refurbished MacBook Pro.  It came yesterday.  I set up the Migration Assistant so my old computer could tell my new computer all its secrets, and 15 hours later, I love my new laptop!  It seems so smart and efficient.

$1,100

(2) I took my car to the shop.  The bumper was hanging off and I suspected it needed some sort of service.  They agreed to bang in the bumpers so that nothing would be hanging off.  I don't need it to be pretty, but functional.  And, my car was due for a major service.  We bought it 3 years ago and it was time for all its parts to be checked out.

$500

(3) While the car was at the shop, they discovered that the tread on all 4 tires was dangerously low.  One of the tires had 0 tread on it.  The others had 1, 2 and 3 units (?) of tread.  They said that I had to replace all the tires and it was dangerous to drive on them this way.

$600

The car is running great now.  Scott and I went hiking this morning, and the acceleration up the hills was way better than it used to be.  I think it was money well spent.  But, $2,200 out the door during my unpaid time!  Ugh.

The Royal Vagina Watch (also known as crotch watch)

I am obsessed by Princesses.  Not the Disney ones; the real ones. 

So, yesterday, I was hitting refresh on People.com and the New York Times until the royal news was announced that Princess Kate gave birth to a boy who is now third in line to become King. 

Before the birth, the official statement was that Kate's labour labor was progressing normally.  What does that mean when the vagina from which said baby will be emerging is a royal one?

Does it mean that Kate was swearing at the other women laboring in the triage cubicles adjacent to her?

Does it mean that a nurse told her that she couldn't make her labor progress by walking stairs?

Does it mean that the nurse who made that comment later apologized with a coupon for the cafeteria downstairs?

Is a normal labor one where a doctor demands attention claiming that he is the most important person in the room?

Or, is that only the normal labor experience for non royal vaginas like mine?

I'm a Berkeley Mommy Because:

• When the straps of my Lululemon bag rip after shopping at Whole Foods, I re-sew the straps back on.
• We planned a homebirth.
• I take casual carpool into work and I don't think it's creepy.
• I've been TV-free for over 20 years - long before you could access any TV show online.
• My daughter goes to a Berkeley preschool where the kids are called "friends."
• At this preschool, one day, the kids got naked (but kept their underwear on, my daughter assures me), so that they could feel clay on their bodies.
• We are members of a babysitting Co-op.  
• The prized possessions in our house are the ones that are handmade.  
• We belong to a car sharing service.  I sometimes feel bad that we own a car at all, but I am able to rationalize it because our daughter needs a car seat which would be too difficult to always get in and out of the car share car; and because the car that we own is a hybrid.  
• The stated dress code at our wedding was "Berkeley Formal."
• We named our daughter Star.  Her Hebrew name means Queen of the Stars.
• When my daughter said that her vagina looked weird, I took off my pants and underwear and showed her what mine looked like so she could see that ours looked similar.

Gearing Up For Camp Mommy

My husband and I both work full time.  Our daughter is a 3 year old in preschool.  Preschools take more days off than either of us do. 

This regularly impacts our lives.  Parent/teacher conference day is a day off for the kids from school, so that the teachers can meet with the parents.  (And by the way, I think it's totally adorable to have parent teacher conferences for our 3 year old girl.  I am somewhat obsessed with hearing other people talk about my daughter.)  On that particular day, the school that I work at was having our graduation ceremony, so I was busy in the morning while my husband was with our daughter.  Then, we hired a nanny for the afternoon so my husband could have a bit of a break, and then he and I met at the conference.

Friday before Memorial Day?  Preschool day off.  I'm not sure why.  Star spent the day with my parents.

We're approaching the biggest working parenting challenge of the year - summer break.  Star's preschool goes through the end of July.  In August, they have four weeks of optional camp each with a different theme.  But, I've decided to try out different things for August to get some variety.

So, I basically have 5 weeks to fill starting in the end of July through Labor Day.  I'll be taking a few weeks off from my job (unpaid) so I can run my version of Camp Mommy, be a chauffeur to various camps, and get a break for myself.

Here's how we put things together.

Week 1 - Jewish camp in the morning.  Camp Mommy in the afternoon.  And, a friend from my childhood will hopefully be visiting with her son.

Week 2 - Camp Mommy with hopefully a trip to Los Angeles for all 3 of us starting on Wednesday-ish.

Week 3 - Monkey Business Camp in Tilden Park.  This sounds super fun.  I'm envious.

Week 4 - I go back to work.  Star will do the water themed week at her preschool.

Week 5 - Star will spend the first few days with my parents, and then all three of us will go to Camp Tawonga Family Camp.  We went last year and enjoyed it!   

It seems like things will only get more complicated once she enters kindergarten and has 2 or 3 months off during the summer in addition to the random days throughout the year.  I'll cross that bridge when the time comes, but for now, I'm learning about the camp options and keeping track of them on a Pinterest board!

3 Year Olds are Great at Improv

At one improv show I went to, possibly the only improv show I ever went to, the audience was invited to shout out locations ("a bathroom," "a movie theater") and then we were asked to shout out some sort of emotion (love-struck, nostalgic, elated); then the improv actors went with these suggestions and made up some sort of scene.
At one point at that improv show, one of the actors had some vision about the direction this scene should take, but then another actor cut in more forcefully with a vision of his own, so the first improv actor had to quickly change course and go along with his colleague's new vision.

In addition to having limited experience with acting and improv, I also have limited experience with 3 year olds.  With my lack of experience not being a barrier to opinion, I think that 3 year olds are masterful improv actors.

At my daughter's preschool, they have a play area filled with various costumes including a tutu, a chicken costume and an asian inspired coat of some sort.  Somehow, my daughter and her classmates thought that these were the perfect set of costumes to go together and they figured out some scenario where they played together and it all worked.

At home over the weekend, my daughter was pretending to be a mommy cat while I was supposed to be her baby cat.  When I announced that it was time to wash our hands, she said how much she appreciated me and that I was being such a good baby cat by reminding us all to wash our hands.

What I Want for Mother's Day

I'd like to have an errand free Mother's day.  Not the kind of errand free day when I choose to not do errands, but I know that I will get to them the next day; I'd like the kind of errand free day when the errands that I would have done somehow get done by someone else.  My husband?  A task rabbit?  Someone hired from Craigslist?  This would be a good way for me to feel like all the work I do to keep our house and our family running are valued.

I'd love Scott to tell me that I'm a good mom.  Words are generally my #1 gift of choice.

Ditto for Star.  I can already imagine her throwing her little arms around me and hearing her tell me that she loves me.  Whenever she hugs me, I try to breathe in her scent and feel her warmth.  Sometimes I do that and she says, "don't smell me, mommy."  But, I love smelling my little girl.  I just try to hide it from her so I don't get reprimanded.  I know that affection is precious. 

And, I'd like Star to make me some art on a canvas in a frame - ready to be hung.  Here's some recent art from Star which I love, but now I have to frame it or decide that it shouldn't be framed and store it away somewhere.  I've had it in my office for a few days on my filing cabinet; art waiting for a frame to be hung feels like another errand waiting to get done by mommy. 

Q1 Update on New Year's Resolutions

As a refresher, here are the New Year's Resolutions that I made in January.

I thought it would be a good time for a bit of a check in.

Losing weight is not going very well.  Sometimes, I feel like I have the eating under control, and sometimes I feel like I have the exercise under control.  Very rarely, do they both feel good.  And, if they do, then I get sick, or it's a Jewish holiday, or I have late night work meetings, so everything backslides.

Blog weekly.  I feel like this is going pretty well.  It's occasionally a bit less than weekly, and occasionally, it's a bit more than weekly. 

More time in the day.  This is surprisingly going well.  The co-op has created more time.  And, we're using our meal delivery person more to steam vegetables for Star's lunches. We also have 2 wonderful babysitters for Star.  We trust them both and they are fabulous. 

Judaism.  Sometimes I think this is a total fail, but sometimes it feels like it's going well.  We are currently having a quite meaningful Passover.  I read Passover books in Star's class and brought matzah for everyone to snack on.  We went to a seder at my parents' house on the first night and hosted a seder on the 2nd night.  So, maybe that's a sign of success?  I still think it needs way more work. 

KinderCycle transition.  Totally done.  Check.

Writing for publication.  I feel like this is going well.  I have a few pieces I'm working on.

SFSU.  Check it off this to do list.  I explored it fully and I was hired to teach there in April.  But, my class didn't get enough students signed up so the class is cancelled.  They may ask me to offer it again in November, but honestly I'm thinking I should prioritize other things than adding more work commitments to my life.

Commute less.  Another epic fail.  I have no idea how to do this.

2013 Craftsy BOM.  I dropped out.  I hated it.  But, I'm now working on a green and orange quilt of my own design for Scott and I.

Sew a skirt.  I'd like to lose weight first.

I haven't knit the hat for the Israeli soldier yet.

Sew for Star.  Haven't done this recently.

To sum up, these are the things I still want to work on in the months to come:

• Lose weight
• Be Jewish as a family
• Commute less
• Quilt for Scott and I
• Sew a skirt for me.
• Knit a hat for an Israeli soldier
• Sew for Star.

That seems do-able.  I'll aim for another update on this next quarter. 

Update on Metalsmithing

Back here, I wrote about the promise of a new craft and how I thought I was about to fall hard into a metalsmithing obsession.

Surprisingly, I've exercised great restraint which I am both proud of and frustrated by.  Here's what happened.  I was all ready to buy a whole new set of tools including a torch or two.  Then, I ran it by my husband who was concerned about us having "dangerous" tools in the house when I had taken no classes on how to use these tools.  I reluctantly admitted that he had a good point. 

We made a deal.  If I take a metalsmithing class and if I can use the tools safely and I like the craft, then I'll get to buy all the stuff and do it at home - if I keep all the gadgets somewhere where Star can't reach them.

I'm signed up to take an Introduction to Soldering class on April 7th.  So excited!  These are pictures pinned on my Pinterest board called Jewelry To Copy once I've learned how to solder safely. 

A Weekend Day

A comic is making the rounds on the web.  The woman pictured in the comic says: "Hooray, it's Friday!  Oh wait, I'm a mom."

Yes, I'm sure all working moms can all relate to that.  After leaving the office, my other, more important job, starts back up again.  And, honestly, even when I'm at the office, I'm doing my unpaid mommy job also.  I'm arranging babysitters, figuring out date nights (I've definitely been lagging here), and planning our daughter's birthday party. 

On the weekends, I get a break from the job that pays me money.  I will occassionally answer an email or take a call from a student, but I try to keep my weekends somewhat protected from my law librarian / adjunct professor job.

For me, there is no "typical" weekend day.  But, for posterity, I thought it would be fun to record one of my days.  Here's how Saturday looked for me. 

7:15am - we all woke up.  The good part about daylight savings time is that it lets us sleep in a bit.
I decided I didn't have time to exercise since we had a person scheduled to come at 8am to interview for the "finish getting her ready and walk Star to school" job.

8am - Interview #1 was scheduled.  At 8:15am, she still hadn't shown up, so I texted her.  She apologized but said that the power was out in her building so she slept in.  She rescheduled for 10:45am.  I was a bit angry that I missed my workout for this person who didn't show up.  I folded laundry.

9am - Interview #2 was OK.  On one hand, I was grateful that she showed up, but we didn't love her.

10am - Interview #3 went great.  She was on time and was wonderfully well spoken and great with Star.

10:45am - Interview person #1 showed up.  She was nice, but we all agreed that we liked #3 best.

11:30am - Star and I drive down to Sunnyvale for one of my College friend's twin daughter's first birthday party.  Star said that she wasn't going to fall asleep in the car, but she fell asleep in the car.

12:45pm - We got to the park in Sunnyvale where the party was.  I woke her up from her nap and we quickly made our way to the potty where we both went pee pee.  The party was fun.  There was a yummy catered Indian buffet lunch and lots of people to catch up with.  There was also a playground which Star loved.  She said that she wanted to come back to play more at this playground.

2:45pm - Got back in the car for an hour ride home.  Star did not nap this time.  We got home at about 3:45pm.

4pm - A girlfriend of mine who moved to Boston came over for a visit.

6:00pm - My friend left to go to dinner with other people, and I finally got an exercise in.  Scott and Star stayed home.

6:30pm - I left messages for Person #3's references.

6:45pm - We had dinner.

7:15pm - Star and I took a bath.  She had her nighttime soy milk and was asleep by 8pm.
Scott went out for a night with friends.  I watched some reality TV and was asleep by 9:30pm.

What to Offer at a Preschool Auction?

My daughter has been at her current preschool since January.  They have an annual auction, and we've never participated in one before.  The committee is somewhat (ahem) aggressive about soliciting donations from parents.

Initially, I had no idea what to donate.  And, I thought that other people might be similarly situated and need help generating ideas. 

So, I turned to Facebook (my current favorite place for crowd-sourcing), the internet and my own imagination and here's what I came up with.  I'm assuming that the auction organizers are trying to get donations directly from businesses, so this is a list of what I might want to do on my own (without donations from businesses). 

Offer Your Service

• Offer whatever you do for a living (a free color consultation?  Tax preparation?  A will/trust?)  
• Teach someone to knit
• Offer a night of babysitting

Offer Someone Else's Service

• Spa services
• A gift certificate to a restaurant

Buy Something and Repackage It

• Wine
• Olive Oil
• Soaps

Make Something

• Handmade jewelry
• A knit hat
• A quilt
• A tin filled with cookies

Give Away A Piece of Something You Have

• A weekend at your condo
• A few hours at your country club
• Tickets to a Cal game
• Tickets for one night of a lecture series or performance of some sort
• A basket of your kid's best hand-me-downs.  Not the stained stuff, but the stuff that your kid never wore or grew out of before they had a chance to wear it

Here's what we decided to do.  My husband and I both decided to donate our own services.  He's going to offer a will/trust package.  And, I'm going to offer to teach 2 people how to knit.  We are also contributing to our daughter's class gift which is a package of camping stuff.  For that, I'm sewing some napkins.  I think I'll make 6 napkins with the same pattern on the front and then each with different solid colors on the back so each person can use the same napkin throughout the whole camping trip.

What I Should Have Said

Star was born almost 3 years ago.  I still regretfully replay a specific moment in my mind.

To get you up to speed, here's Star's birth story.

I spent from 1am until 10am in the triage cubicle before having an emergency c-section.  The private labor rooms were all filled up, and I guess they decided that since I wasn't going to labor, I didn't need my own room.  I just needed to wait out some time until the c-section would happen.

For me, hospitals are overwhelming places.  Triage is even more so.  Doctors and nurses kept coming in and out to see me or to see other women.  Other women would come in to be admitted.  They would eventually get transferred to actual rooms.  Random machines and phones kept beeping.  Visitors streamed in and out.

I remember passing the time by talking to my husband and my doula and my parents when they got there at about 6am.  I remember feeling mad. 

At one point, one of the doctors came in to my partitioned area.  I can't remember if he was an anesthesiologist or an obgyn who was going to perform the c-section.  He, quickly, got frustrated with me because I didn't focus on what he was saying.

Very crossly, he said, "I am the most important person in this room.  You need to listen to me."

Unfortunately, I did what he said and listened.  I've replayed this scene in my head countless time since that night.  I'm a strong woman who usually has some snappy comeback for insensitive remarks like these.  But, that night, I had none.

I wish I had said.  "You are not the most important person in the room.  My baby is the most important. I'm the next most important, and you are somewhere far down the list.  Now, please leave my cubicle and I will deal with a different anesthesiologist/obgyn.  Thank you."

By the time my c-section came around, that doctor was no longer on duty, so I never saw him again.   

Stop the Glamorization of Busy

A full time lawyer who is super pregnant with #2 threw a birthday party for her 3 year old at her house  and baked a super impressive pink cake.  A student of mine sent a coherent email at 2am.  A co-worker came to work to finish a project even though he is sick.  Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer took a speedy 2 week maternity leave before jumping back into her full time work. 

I am impressed.

But, those anecdotes don't tell the story.   What did they give up to accomplish those feats?  What super-human powers do that have which I don't? 

With this blog post, I hereby aim to stop glamorizing busy.

I want to feel success based on how well I play with my daughter and by how patient I am with her.  By how well I love and respect my husband through the years. By how I prioritize time to keep my body healthy.  And, by the quality of my friendships.

Update on the Co-Op

Back in this post, I shared my angst about the babysitting co-op we joined.

To recap, when we were invited to join the co-op, I was beyond excited.  It made me so happy that we lived in a place where there was an organized babysitting group and we, somehow, were let into the club!  Then, I completely switched and I became freaked out that we were sending our toddler down the path to childhood obesity because at each co-op party, she would eat badly and watch television.

Now, I'm back to loving our co-op.   Here's what's happened since I last blogged about co-op.

• We sent Star to her 2nd co-op party which was fabulous.  The family has a trampoline in the backyard, and they have house rules where the big kids can only jump as fast as the littlest kid on the trampoline.  So, Star was in complete control on the trampoline and she had a great time.  The other great thing about this family is that one of their kids is a vegetarian, so they are completely supportive of how we eat.  Woohoo!  At this co-op party, the trampoline wore out our daughter, so when we picked her up at 9pm, she was asleep in the parents' bed while all the other kids were watching the movie of the night and eating dessert downstairs.  I now have a note in my address book that Star should attend all the co-op parties that this family hosts. 

• A weekend, later, there was a full co-op potluck brunch where we got to meet the other families and socialize.  It was great to get to know the other families. 

•  Serendipitously, I listened to To The Best of Our Knowledge's podcast on the topic of The Other Money.  On it, there was a segment about a babysitting co-op in Madison which has been in operation since 2005.  (By comparison, the co-op that we're in has been around since the 1970s.)  One of the Madison moms interviewed talked about the benefits of being in this co-op.  Among the benefits, she said that she and her husband and the other parents have a better social life than other parents that they know; they are more connected to other neighbors in their community; and she said that her kids have become comfortable around various adults and kids of all ages because of the co-op.  This is a huge selling point to me.  Our daughter is an only child, and bringing her up with community that we create is a very important value for us.  

• We have noticed increased connections in our community!  I ran into a co-op mom at a Dailey Method Class; and, we ran into a different co-op mom and her 2 daughters (one of whom is Star's age) while getting new iPhones at Bay Street.  It's made where we live feel more and more like a community.  

• The biggest thing is that we hosted our first co-op party last night, and it was a success!  We were over-prepared and had too much food, but the kids we hosted, including Star, were happy.  We followed the basic co-op curriculum which was explained to me by email.
• 5:30-7 - kids arrive.  Have a pad/pen near door for parents to write down cell phone numbers.  Kids play with toys, explore and do art.
• 7ish - dinner.
• 7:15-7:45 - more free play / art.
• 7:45 - dessert.  We offered fruit popsicles.
• 8ish - movie.  We watched a documentary on bees which probably was not the best choice.  My bad.  
• After movie - lights out and quiet time.  Our daughter wanted to stay in the living room and sleep on the couches with the other kids, but she was too hyped up and eventually we moved her to her room so she could actually sleep.  
• I was told that most parents pick up by 10pm and this was true.  Then, I collapsed into my own bed.

A Babysitting Co-Op

I've lived in the Bay Area for so long now, that I'm not even sure if babysitting co-ops are a normal thing or if I need to explain what they are.  I'll assume the later.

A babysitting co-op functions where sometimes someone else watches your kid and sometimes you watch someone else's kids.  There are a variety of different models of this; 2 of which I know first hand about.

When Star was born in 2010, I decided it was a priority that we join some sort of co-op.  The co-op that we were initially invited to join worked as an even exchange.  If I needed a "sitter", I would email the group, or some subset of the group requesting a sitter.  Assuming I found someone available, once they watched my kid for 3 hours, I would "pay" them 3 tickets.  This co-op also had a monthly gathering where we were all supposed to get to know each other so that when we were watching other people's kids or having them watch ours, we were all more comfortable with the people involved.

We were in this group long enough for (1) one family to watch our daughter for a few hours; (2) reciprocating for that family; and (3) feeling guilty for a number of months about not attending the suggested monthly social gathering.  This group didn't work for us for a variety of reasons.  First, the geography was really spread out.   Also, the monthly suggested meeting did not work for our family.  (Honestly, I don't have enough time to spend with my actual friends let alone with people who I'm trying to make be my friends.)  We quit this group.

Around that same time, I somehow found out about a babysitting co-op based in our neighborhood.  This co-op operates differently.  My husband, Scott, explains it best.  Every Friday and Saturday night, there is a party for kids that our daughter can go to.  Each family hosts a "party" about 3 times per year.  Then, you get to send your kids to a party as often as you have cards.  We calculated that for every time we host a party, Star can go to a party about 5 times.  

Back in 2010 when i found the group, I spoke with the current President, and they didn't have an opening for us, but they said that they would put us on the waiting list.

Fast forward to now.  About a month ago, the new President of the group contacted us.  A family had recently left the group and they wanted to invite us to join.  We were stoked.

The following weekend, we signed Star up for her first "party".  It was at a house about a block away.  The hosting family was super great, and Star had a fabulous time.  When we dropped her off, they plopped her in front of the TV so she could "settle in".  When I picked her up, she had eaten box macaroni and cheese for dinner, she was still in front of the TV and she was now eating ice cream.

Let me explain.  We don't have a TV, and we don't eat sweets.  We steer clear of processed carbohydrates and other fake foods.  My theory has been that she'll get sweets, TV and processed foods in enough areas of her life; she doesn't also need to get it at home.  Star sees television when she's with her grandparents, and eats sweets and processed foods at birthday parties, but that's pretty much it. 

Is joining this co-op putting her on the path to childhood obesity and compulsive shopping?  That's my fear, but maybe I'm being too paranoid?  It's such an odd thing to live our lives with certain values and then have those values thrown out the window monthly so Scott and I can get a free night off. 

We have reservations, but we're going to try it a few more times.  We are set to host our first party in a few weeks, so that will bring up an entirely new set of challenges and frustrations.  In the end, this babysitting coop may, ironically, not be Berkeley enough for us.  We need to find some media-free whole food eating households to swap childcare responsibilities with.