My Head

Let's all pretend that it hasn't been almost a month since I posted last, Kay?

If you do need some reason for my blogging absence, here goes...  I got a head cold.  Then I needed some gum surgery for an overgrown, infected gum.  (If anyone needs a great Periodontist in the Berkeley area, I now have one to recommend!)  My in-laws were in town which wasn't a bad thing, necessarily, but it was definitely an addition to our already crazed schedule.  And, then my jaw bone started coming out of my gums, so I had to go back to the periodontist yesterday to have my jaw bone filed down and tucked back into my gums.

Things are getting back to normal now (knock on wood, cross my fingers, whatever...), so I hope to get back to posting weekly or so. 

Money

I'm a few days in to Camp Mommy.  I am taking unpaid time off from work to focus more on me and being a mom.

Hopefully, I'll write a post up soon about our Camp Mommy adventures, but this post is about MONEY.

(1) I decided that my 7 year old MacBook was about to die and take with it all the photos that are in iPhoto.  Backup solutions weren't working because my computer seemed too old to get its data somewhere else.

So I bought a 1 year old refurbished MacBook Pro.  It came yesterday.  I set up the Migration Assistant so my old computer could tell my new computer all its secrets, and 15 hours later, I love my new laptop!  It seems so smart and efficient.

$1,100

(2) I took my car to the shop.  The bumper was hanging off and I suspected it needed some sort of service.  They agreed to bang in the bumpers so that nothing would be hanging off.  I don't need it to be pretty, but functional.  And, my car was due for a major service.  We bought it 3 years ago and it was time for all its parts to be checked out.

$500

(3) While the car was at the shop, they discovered that the tread on all 4 tires was dangerously low.  One of the tires had 0 tread on it.  The others had 1, 2 and 3 units (?) of tread.  They said that I had to replace all the tires and it was dangerous to drive on them this way.

$600

The car is running great now.  Scott and I went hiking this morning, and the acceleration up the hills was way better than it used to be.  I think it was money well spent.  But, $2,200 out the door during my unpaid time!  Ugh.

Pneumonia

It's been a rough few weeks.  After the horrible part wheat detox was nearly over and I was no longer acting like an addict searching for my next hit, I started coughing.  I did some googling and came to the conclusion that coughing could be a detox response, so I thought this was normal.  Then, my breathing started to get really labored and shallow.  On Saturday, I couldn't get enough oxygen in, so I went to urgent care.

End result, I had pneumonia and was having an asthma attack (which I had never had before.)

Now I'm on antibiotics, and therefore probiotics so I get back some of the good bacteria in my system; an inhaler; sudafed and mucinex.

Cough cough.  Wheeze wheeze.

I'm a Berkeley Mommy Because:

• When the straps of my Lululemon bag rip after shopping at Whole Foods, I re-sew the straps back on.
• We planned a homebirth.
• I take casual carpool into work and I don't think it's creepy.
• I've been TV-free for over 20 years - long before you could access any TV show online.
• My daughter goes to a Berkeley preschool where the kids are called "friends."
• At this preschool, one day, the kids got naked (but kept their underwear on, my daughter assures me), so that they could feel clay on their bodies.
• We are members of a babysitting Co-op.  
• The prized possessions in our house are the ones that are handmade.  
• We belong to a car sharing service.  I sometimes feel bad that we own a car at all, but I am able to rationalize it because our daughter needs a car seat which would be too difficult to always get in and out of the car share car; and because the car that we own is a hybrid.  
• The stated dress code at our wedding was "Berkeley Formal."
• We named our daughter Star.  Her Hebrew name means Queen of the Stars.
• When my daughter said that her vagina looked weird, I took off my pants and underwear and showed her what mine looked like so she could see that ours looked similar.

Wheat Detox

I've been between 10 and 40 pounds overweight for probably 10 years.  Before that, I like to think that I was curvy in a sexy way.  Nice full boobs, a small waist and nice sized hips.  Proportional and sturdy.  Healthy and curvy.  Snuggle-able.

I'm not sure when the moment was, but there was a point when I went from sexy curvy to fat curvy and I don't like it.

Some people, when talking about their struggles with their weight, say that they "tried everything."  Grapefruit diets.  Fat farms.  Boot camps.  I honestly didn't.

For the past 25 years, I've been doing basically the same thing.  It just used to work better for me.  I'm a vegetarian, and I work out.  For me, being a vegetarian means that I don't eat meat, chicken or fish.  I do eat eggs and cheese.   I became a vegetarian for purely ethical reasons - nothing to do with health.  I do believe that there are health benefits to being a vegetarian.  I don't ingest all the toxins that we give to animals.  However, in our society, I think the negative part about being a vegetarian is that you are relegated to social situations filled with carbs and no protein.

Regarding my exercise, there have been times in the past 25 years when I worked out a bit more than others, but I've generally been an active person and I enjoy working out.  My recent workout routine has been to power walk 2-3 times per week and do Dailey Method 2-3 times per week.  I like this routine a lot.  The walking clears my head and makes me sweat on the hills, and Dailey Method makes me feel strong.  In the Dailey Method, I'm surrounded by beautiful women who have wonderful long limbs, strong, but feminine, muscles, and a nicely curved butt.  Even though I like this routine emotionally, it's not working on my body.  I'm still the fat girl in my Dailey Method classes. 

I am ready to admit that this pattern that I've done for 25 years is no longer working.  I want to be healthy for myself.  I want to be healthy for my daughter.  I want to feel comfortable when my husband takes a picture of my daughter and I together.  I'm sure I will always be "flawed" in various ways, but I'd like to get to a healthy weight.

To be of "normal weight" according to BMI calculators, I need to be 140 pounds (and that's only if I enhance my height a bit).  Honestly, this feels quite unmanageable, so I'm going to ignore this number and just aim to lose weight.  I'm not sure I have a realistic goal weight at this point. 

Somehow, I found out about Wheat Belly and requested both the original book and the cookbook from my local public library.  The cookbook became available first, so I read it.  I went wheat free on Wednesday, June 5th, 2013.

Detoxing from wheat is no joke; it sucks.  Here's what my journey has looked like so far.

Day 1 - I cried at a work meeting.  This is not my norm.
Day 2 - I felt like I had a horrible flu.  I was freezing in bed at 6:30pm with the heater on.  My daughter brought me one of her stuffed animals to snuggle so I could feel better.  I peed about every hour throughout the night. 
Day 3 - Flu like symptoms persisted.  Foggy head.  Huge headaches.  Chills when it was warm.  Stinky sweat.  Peeing a lot.  Horrible night of sleep. 
Day 4 - Still had headaches and a bit woozy.  Sometimes it feels like I just swallowed something huge without chewing (when I hadn't) and it was fighting its way down my digestive track.  I have a dry cough.  But things were finally beginning to feel better - I was beginning to feel human.
Day 5 - We went to Ikea which always makes me feel a bit sick and overwhelmed.  I felt woozy, but way less.  I ate meals and snacks, but my appetite has decreased substantially.  I no longer have chills or sweats.  I seem to have more energy.
Day 6 -  My main negative symptoms right now are a dry cough and sometimes the weird lump in my throat/chest thing. 

My husband and I talked, on day 5, about this new eating plan.  He's supportive of it.  We agreed that I would try it for 30 days and then evaluate how it's going.  He asked how I will evaluate success.  I said that this will be successful for me if: (1) All these negative flu like withdrawal symptoms are gone.  And, (2) I'm losing weight. 

Public Service Announcement: Latex Allergy

Jennifer approaches the soap box and climbs on top of it.

Latex is a cumulative allergy.  The more exposure a person has to latex, the more likely they are to develop the allergy.  I am not in a known group who is likely to develop a latex allergy.  I am not a hairdresser who wears latex gloves to dye people's hair every day.  I am not a health care worker who wears latex gloves to protect herself from patients.  I am not a tattoo artist.  I am not a fetishist with a requirement to wear latex gear.

Nonetheless, I have a latex allergy.  Life has become a comical charade.  Going to street festivals is now an athletic event where I doge balloons.  Children's birthday parties are no better.  We once went to a Passover Seder where each participant was given a goodie bag of plagues including a latex balloon.  I don't remember which plague the balloon was supposed to represent.  I was surrounded by metaphorical plagues, but the latex balloons being tossed back and forth between families was my real life plague. 

Swim caps?  Gotta keep me away from them.  Bandaids?  I generally carry my own, but if I'm offered one, I'll ask if they are latex free.

Because of my latex allergy, I also now have an allergy to avocado and bananas. Banana bread?  I can't eat it.  Burritos with avocado?  No.  I'm already quite a specific eater in many ways; I honor animals by choosing to be a vegetarian as I have been for the past 20+ years, so having additional food restrictions to things that I love has made eating even more challenging.

If I come in contact with latex, avocado or bananas, I currently break out in hives.  But, because of its cumulative nature, my reaction gets worse each time.  My next exposure could result in anaphylactic shock so I carry an EpiPen in my purse. 

What was my exposure to latex?  What led to me getting this allergy?  I had a minor surgery in the 80s at the height of the AIDS scare when healthcare workers were apparently hyper-vigilant about protecting themselves.  Therefore, there was a lot of latex in the operating and recovery room.  I was in my teens.  In the 90s, I had another surgery which added to the accumulation of latex in me.  When I started having an active sex life, I heeded the warnings from health workers who advocated for safe sex.  And, I had a bunch of safe sex using latex condoms starting in the 90s until I met my husband in 2004.

It's likely that our daughter is susceptible to the latex allergy since I am.  How am I trying to protect her?  I try to limit her latex exposure when possible.  If a doctor or a dentist has a choice between latex and non-latex gloves, I'll request the non-latex gloves.  Same with bandaids.  We already don't have latex in the house because of my allergy, so she generally isn't playing with balloons or koosh balls while at home.

When she does come into contact with latex, which she undeniably does, I don't freak out (too much) because I know that she doesn't have much of a latex accumulation built up in her.   In the case of a medical emergency, it'll be OK for her to be touched by latex gloves.  At a friend's birthday party, she can play with latex balloons.  If someone puts a latex bandaid on her, it's OK.  On playdates at other people's houses, I try to be vigilant so that I'm not unnecessarily exposed, but I try to maintain some sense of normalcy so that I don't freak out my daughter or the family that we are playing with. 

We're no where near the stage where she has to be thinking about how to have a safe and healthy sex life.  When that time comes, I hope that there are condom options that are not latex, but that also don't involve animal skin!

I try to keep her exposure to latex down where possible, while letting some sort of reasonable amount of latex come into her life.  And, I try to do this while somehow avoiding the latex myself. 

Jennifer steps down from the soapbox.   

What I Want for Mother's Day

I'd like to have an errand free Mother's day.  Not the kind of errand free day when I choose to not do errands, but I know that I will get to them the next day; I'd like the kind of errand free day when the errands that I would have done somehow get done by someone else.  My husband?  A task rabbit?  Someone hired from Craigslist?  This would be a good way for me to feel like all the work I do to keep our house and our family running are valued.

I'd love Scott to tell me that I'm a good mom.  Words are generally my #1 gift of choice.

Ditto for Star.  I can already imagine her throwing her little arms around me and hearing her tell me that she loves me.  Whenever she hugs me, I try to breathe in her scent and feel her warmth.  Sometimes I do that and she says, "don't smell me, mommy."  But, I love smelling my little girl.  I just try to hide it from her so I don't get reprimanded.  I know that affection is precious. 

And, I'd like Star to make me some art on a canvas in a frame - ready to be hung.  Here's some recent art from Star which I love, but now I have to frame it or decide that it shouldn't be framed and store it away somewhere.  I've had it in my office for a few days on my filing cabinet; art waiting for a frame to be hung feels like another errand waiting to get done by mommy. 

(Birthday) Love in the Time of Facebook

Yesterday was my birthday.  I'm not sure how I got to be 42, but so far, it's looking pretty good!

I had a wonderful day.  One of Star's babysitters arrived at 7:30am to finish getting Star ready for school and to take her there.  Scott and I escaped and went out to breakfast (which we almost never do), went hiking in Marin, went to some used clothing stores, I got a pedicure, Scott and I hung out together in the house, and then I went to dinner with a group of girlfriends.  When I got home, Star was still awake, so I snuggled with her and we talked about our days. 

Running parallel to my actual birthday, was how my birthday was celebrated in my virtual life.

Facebook was the most active of my online identities.  Here's a breakdown of who I heard from through Facebook.

• Actual friends.  These are people who are likely to show up in my facebook stream often and I choose to have an in person relationship with them.
• Family members.  By choice or not, these are people that I'm related to and their birthday greetings are wonderful. 
• People I knew in High School, College, or Law School. Oh, it's so awkward.  Many of these people know such an outdated version of me.  They knew me when I chose to be called "Jenny."  They remember me when I was a French Horn playing band geek.  Some of them knew me when I was an out of place Californian living in Oregon.  There are definitely people from my past who have transitioned to "current" friends, but for the most part, these are a group of people that I don't have an actual real-time relationship with.  It's sweet that they mention my birthday on facebook, because facebook tells them it's my birthday, but it feels so inauthentic.  Also, it puts my head in a weird place on my birthday.  While having a nice day off from work doing what I wanted to do, I was continuously thrown into the past thinking about these people.  What do they think about me?  Should I be embarrassed about something that I did in front of them in my past?  Should I try to forge a real relationship with some of these people?  Or, should I un-friend them and have less head clutter in my life? 

The people who texted me birthday greetings are all in the category of actual best friends and family.

One friend sent me a message through Words With Friends which was unique and cute.

And, I got only one card through the mail.  It was from my in-laws and felt quaint in the best possible way. 

Vegetarian Cookbook Collection

I became a vegetarian in 1990 as a Sophomore at U.C Berkeley.  I was away from my conformist hometown and able to make decisions for myself for possibly the first time in my life.  I quite easily decided that I no longer wanted to kill animals to fuel my body.  It was as simple as that.  It was an easy decision and I am committed to my vegetarianism from all parts of my being. 

For the past 20+ years, I've been collecting vegetarian cookbooks.  It started out of necessity.  I became a vegetarian without really understanding what I would eat.  How would I nourish myself?  What would I bring for potlucks?  My image of a plate of food revolved primarily around an animal protein with some vegetables on the side. The internet didn't yet exist as prevalently as it does now, so I couldn't google search "vegetarian recipes" and "pin" them, so I began buying cookbooks. 

My last week of Law School, in Oregon, a vegetarian girlfriend and I went to Breitenbush Hot Springs.  Breitenbush is a wonderful place with meditation spaces, yoga, hot springs, hiking in the mountains, a beautiful river, and all vegetarian food.  The food was delicious.  I remember eating a loaf with gravy; I had never tasted something so delicious.  For breakfasts, there was granola, soymilk, tofu scrambles, and whole wheat waffles.  My mind expanded.  I bought the hot springs' cookbook before we left.  When I was in library school, I lent my Breitenbush cookbook to one of my classmates who claims that she lost it.  I plan to replace it, but I haven't gotten around to it yet.

Now, I have approximately 50 vegetarian cookbooks.  I also have a binder that I've created of favorite recipes and recipes that have been passed down in my family, and recipes that I use for Jewish holidays. 

If Scott and I are in someone else's house, and they have built in shelves in the kitchen, Scott often comments on how I would love that feature for my cookbook collection.  Until I get my dream kitchen, my cookbooks sit on these Ikea shelves which I bought and asked my neighbor to install. 

Ironically, perhaps, I don't cook much.  Back in my single days, my singular specialty was couscous with vegetables.  That's the only thing I remember cooking for daily nourishment.  On all the first dates I went on in my 30s, I would go to various restaurants and order some vegetarian option which was generally high carb and low protein (think spaghetti.)

One boyfriend back then was a passionate meat eater.  We had horrible fights after we returned home from an event where food was shared by everyone, and there was nothing for me to eat.  Despite my protests, I hosted a sushi making party for his birthday complete with many kinds of fish.  He was not at all respectful of my compassionate eating choices.  He was also the boyfriend who laughed at the fact that I was becoming a librarian - he didn't see it as a good career choice.  I wish I had seen that he was not the right one for me and broken up with him before he broke my heart.

When I dated my husband, it was the first time I had dated a vegetarian.  With him, I got to explore the world of vegetarian restaurants.  We could order anything off the menu.  It felt like I was back at Breitenbush with a bounty of vegetarian options without the need to feel apologetic.

I married that vegetarian boyfriend.  I still don't cook much, but I love my cookbook collection.  For special events, I pull down some of my cookbooks.  Recently, for Passover, I took a day and a half off from work to cook.  Here are 2 of the dishes I created - a yellow squash gratin, and a quinoa pancake thing.  When I focus my mind and cook, it all turns out pretty good, I think!  

Me on Reality TV

I love reality TV.   I often wonder what I would be like as a reality TV star.  Would I be a controlling bitch who the rest of the cast and all of America grows to hate?  Or, would I become America's sweetheart because I'm a good listener and don't get involved in various dramas.

And, what my life would be like after my stint on TV.  Would I have celebrity friends in high places?  Would my family be featured in People magazine?

Which TV show would I be on?  Let's look at some possible scenarios. 

The Biggest Loser.  This is one of my favorite shows. First step for me to become a contestant is to gain 100 or more pounds.  Then, get cast on the show.  Once those awful and possibly impossible steps are accomplished, I get access to amazing trainers and a beautiful kitchen.  I get to spend time at a beautiful "ranch" in Southern California and make friends with Bob, Jillian and Dolvett.  I can envision myself hugging Bob at the finale and having him say that he's proud of me.  Would I be perceived as an uptight lawyer-type like Gina from the most recent season?  Or, could I somehow channel sweet sweet Lisa and only show that side of myself?  My imagined life after Biggest Loser would be wonderful.  I would be able to quit working for other people and not have to deal with petty office bullshit.  I'd have a platform and could then become a motivational speaker; I'd spend my time traveling, working out, eating healthy and telling others that they can have a healthy body weight too.  

Survivor.  I need perfect conditions to sleep.  I like sleeping on my tummy with a just right pillow under my head.  I don't like being surrounded by bugs; I like being clean; I don't love camping; I don't like being thirsty or hungry; and, I'm a vegetarian.  For all those reasons, I really can't see myself ever being a castaway on Survivor.  Sign me up to be a lifetime viewer of this show. 

Shark Tank.  This is the show which is probably the most natural fit for me.  Entrepreneurs go on this show to pitch their ideas in the hope of getting money and partners.  I'm a born entrepreneur from an entrepreneurial family.  (As a side note, I married a born entrepreneur also from an entrepreneurial family.  It'll be interesting to see how our daughter turns out.)  I'm not sure which business venture I'd pitch to them.  But, I'd love the opportunity to turn down an offer from Mr. Wonderful and form a partnership with Robert Herjavec- love him.

Project Runway.  Fashionistas sew clothes and get judged.  The designers have either been sewing for clients for a long time, or are newly minted fashion school graduates.  They are professional clothing makers.  They are judged and mentored by famous people in the fashion world - Heidi Klum, Tim Gunn, Michael Kors, and others including guest judges.  I love this show.  But, it sometimes seems a bit odd to me.  Creations that I love are often criticized by the judges, and designs that I think are horrid are praised.  I guess fashion is in the eye of the beholder.

A Hybrid Between Master Chef + Project Runway.  This is a show of my own creation.  Let's break down the elements.  Master Chef involves regular people (not trained chefs) who love cooking, and have some cooking skills.  Master Chef contestants work in an amazing kitchen with fabulous kitchen tools and wonderful ingredients.  Project Runway pits trained clothing designers against one another.  My hybrid TV show idea is to take people who have no formal sewing training, but who have some knack for it, and put them head to head with other kitchen table sewists.  The sewists would get access to amazing sewing machines, sergers, ruffle feet, and fabric.  Maybe they would take trips to Mood? 

Possible challenges could include:

• Make an outfit for your daughter's (or son's) 3rd birthday party which is happening tomorrow.
• Make your husband/brother/partner a set of work appropriate button down shirts that fit him. 
• Make yourself a fabulous gown for some upcoming event.
• Create a quilt for a new baby.  There can be a twist midway through this challenge to turn the quilt into a sundress.  

      Kitchen Table Sewists.  Any casting agents in the crowd?  Consider me for season #1. 

Q1 Update on New Year's Resolutions

As a refresher, here are the New Year's Resolutions that I made in January.

I thought it would be a good time for a bit of a check in.

Losing weight is not going very well.  Sometimes, I feel like I have the eating under control, and sometimes I feel like I have the exercise under control.  Very rarely, do they both feel good.  And, if they do, then I get sick, or it's a Jewish holiday, or I have late night work meetings, so everything backslides.

Blog weekly.  I feel like this is going pretty well.  It's occasionally a bit less than weekly, and occasionally, it's a bit more than weekly. 

More time in the day.  This is surprisingly going well.  The co-op has created more time.  And, we're using our meal delivery person more to steam vegetables for Star's lunches. We also have 2 wonderful babysitters for Star.  We trust them both and they are fabulous. 

Judaism.  Sometimes I think this is a total fail, but sometimes it feels like it's going well.  We are currently having a quite meaningful Passover.  I read Passover books in Star's class and brought matzah for everyone to snack on.  We went to a seder at my parents' house on the first night and hosted a seder on the 2nd night.  So, maybe that's a sign of success?  I still think it needs way more work. 

KinderCycle transition.  Totally done.  Check.

Writing for publication.  I feel like this is going well.  I have a few pieces I'm working on.

SFSU.  Check it off this to do list.  I explored it fully and I was hired to teach there in April.  But, my class didn't get enough students signed up so the class is cancelled.  They may ask me to offer it again in November, but honestly I'm thinking I should prioritize other things than adding more work commitments to my life.

Commute less.  Another epic fail.  I have no idea how to do this.

2013 Craftsy BOM.  I dropped out.  I hated it.  But, I'm now working on a green and orange quilt of my own design for Scott and I.

Sew a skirt.  I'd like to lose weight first.

I haven't knit the hat for the Israeli soldier yet.

Sew for Star.  Haven't done this recently.

To sum up, these are the things I still want to work on in the months to come:

• Lose weight
• Be Jewish as a family
• Commute less
• Quilt for Scott and I
• Sew a skirt for me.
• Knit a hat for an Israeli soldier
• Sew for Star.

That seems do-able.  I'll aim for another update on this next quarter. 

Update on Metalsmithing

Back here, I wrote about the promise of a new craft and how I thought I was about to fall hard into a metalsmithing obsession.

Surprisingly, I've exercised great restraint which I am both proud of and frustrated by.  Here's what happened.  I was all ready to buy a whole new set of tools including a torch or two.  Then, I ran it by my husband who was concerned about us having "dangerous" tools in the house when I had taken no classes on how to use these tools.  I reluctantly admitted that he had a good point. 

We made a deal.  If I take a metalsmithing class and if I can use the tools safely and I like the craft, then I'll get to buy all the stuff and do it at home - if I keep all the gadgets somewhere where Star can't reach them.

I'm signed up to take an Introduction to Soldering class on April 7th.  So excited!  These are pictures pinned on my Pinterest board called Jewelry To Copy once I've learned how to solder safely. 

A Weekend Day

A comic is making the rounds on the web.  The woman pictured in the comic says: "Hooray, it's Friday!  Oh wait, I'm a mom."

Yes, I'm sure all working moms can all relate to that.  After leaving the office, my other, more important job, starts back up again.  And, honestly, even when I'm at the office, I'm doing my unpaid mommy job also.  I'm arranging babysitters, figuring out date nights (I've definitely been lagging here), and planning our daughter's birthday party. 

On the weekends, I get a break from the job that pays me money.  I will occassionally answer an email or take a call from a student, but I try to keep my weekends somewhat protected from my law librarian / adjunct professor job.

For me, there is no "typical" weekend day.  But, for posterity, I thought it would be fun to record one of my days.  Here's how Saturday looked for me. 

7:15am - we all woke up.  The good part about daylight savings time is that it lets us sleep in a bit.
I decided I didn't have time to exercise since we had a person scheduled to come at 8am to interview for the "finish getting her ready and walk Star to school" job.

8am - Interview #1 was scheduled.  At 8:15am, she still hadn't shown up, so I texted her.  She apologized but said that the power was out in her building so she slept in.  She rescheduled for 10:45am.  I was a bit angry that I missed my workout for this person who didn't show up.  I folded laundry.

9am - Interview #2 was OK.  On one hand, I was grateful that she showed up, but we didn't love her.

10am - Interview #3 went great.  She was on time and was wonderfully well spoken and great with Star.

10:45am - Interview person #1 showed up.  She was nice, but we all agreed that we liked #3 best.

11:30am - Star and I drive down to Sunnyvale for one of my College friend's twin daughter's first birthday party.  Star said that she wasn't going to fall asleep in the car, but she fell asleep in the car.

12:45pm - We got to the park in Sunnyvale where the party was.  I woke her up from her nap and we quickly made our way to the potty where we both went pee pee.  The party was fun.  There was a yummy catered Indian buffet lunch and lots of people to catch up with.  There was also a playground which Star loved.  She said that she wanted to come back to play more at this playground.

2:45pm - Got back in the car for an hour ride home.  Star did not nap this time.  We got home at about 3:45pm.

4pm - A girlfriend of mine who moved to Boston came over for a visit.

6:00pm - My friend left to go to dinner with other people, and I finally got an exercise in.  Scott and Star stayed home.

6:30pm - I left messages for Person #3's references.

6:45pm - We had dinner.

7:15pm - Star and I took a bath.  She had her nighttime soy milk and was asleep by 8pm.
Scott went out for a night with friends.  I watched some reality TV and was asleep by 9:30pm.

What I Should Have Said

Star was born almost 3 years ago.  I still regretfully replay a specific moment in my mind.

To get you up to speed, here's Star's birth story.

I spent from 1am until 10am in the triage cubicle before having an emergency c-section.  The private labor rooms were all filled up, and I guess they decided that since I wasn't going to labor, I didn't need my own room.  I just needed to wait out some time until the c-section would happen.

For me, hospitals are overwhelming places.  Triage is even more so.  Doctors and nurses kept coming in and out to see me or to see other women.  Other women would come in to be admitted.  They would eventually get transferred to actual rooms.  Random machines and phones kept beeping.  Visitors streamed in and out.

I remember passing the time by talking to my husband and my doula and my parents when they got there at about 6am.  I remember feeling mad. 

At one point, one of the doctors came in to my partitioned area.  I can't remember if he was an anesthesiologist or an obgyn who was going to perform the c-section.  He, quickly, got frustrated with me because I didn't focus on what he was saying.

Very crossly, he said, "I am the most important person in this room.  You need to listen to me."

Unfortunately, I did what he said and listened.  I've replayed this scene in my head countless time since that night.  I'm a strong woman who usually has some snappy comeback for insensitive remarks like these.  But, that night, I had none.

I wish I had said.  "You are not the most important person in the room.  My baby is the most important. I'm the next most important, and you are somewhere far down the list.  Now, please leave my cubicle and I will deal with a different anesthesiologist/obgyn.  Thank you."

By the time my c-section came around, that doctor was no longer on duty, so I never saw him again.   

Stop the Glamorization of Busy

A full time lawyer who is super pregnant with #2 threw a birthday party for her 3 year old at her house  and baked a super impressive pink cake.  A student of mine sent a coherent email at 2am.  A co-worker came to work to finish a project even though he is sick.  Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer took a speedy 2 week maternity leave before jumping back into her full time work. 

I am impressed.

But, those anecdotes don't tell the story.   What did they give up to accomplish those feats?  What super-human powers do that have which I don't? 

With this blog post, I hereby aim to stop glamorizing busy.

I want to feel success based on how well I play with my daughter and by how patient I am with her.  By how well I love and respect my husband through the years. By how I prioritize time to keep my body healthy.  And, by the quality of my friendships.

The Promise of a New Craft

I love learning a new craft: getting and organizing the gadgets that go with it, and then trying to perfect my new craft.  I've been known to become a bit on the obsessive side.

The first craft I became passionate about as an adult was crocheting.  I moved to Israel in 1993 after I graduated from college.  I was living on a Kibbutz feeling somewhat isolated.  Someone taught me to crochet, and I was hooked (bad pun intended.)  It only required yarn and a crochet hook, so it was portable enough for my lifestyle at the time.

After I returned from Israel, I was living in San Francisco with the boyfriend that I met in Israel, and he started to get more and more religious.  I needed something to do on Saturdays while he did Jewish stuff, so I learned to knit at a local San Francisco yarn store.  That boyfriend didn't last long, but my knitting did.

My monogamous knitting phase lasted about 15 years.  Knitting was essential to my sanity throughout law school in Salem, Oregon.  I mostly knit sweaters for myself during those years - big chunky warm wool sweaters that make me a bit itchy today, but were perfect for the Oregon weather that I was living in at the time.  After law school, I knit baby hats, sweaters and blankets for my sister's kids and friends of mine who were having kids.  I knit a skirt for myself which I wore to a boyfriend's cousin's rehearsal dinner (that boyfriend is now my husband.)  And, I continued to make sweaters for myself - now in light cottons.

In about 2007, I dove into spinning.  I bought a wheel and all the accessories.  I loved starting a spinning project at a time when my new husband would be coming home.  It felt cozy and domestic to be set up with my spinning wheel peacefully spinning away while greeting him at the end of a day.

With all the yarn I was making, I couldn't knit it fast enough, so I bought a weaving loom and started making scarves and rugs.  This spinning and weaving phase didn't last long.  I sold all those gadgets within 2 years.

When I was pregnant with our daughter in 2009/2010, my fingers were too swollen and stiff to knit comfortably.  So I got into mosaics.  I loved breaking the tiles.  I made the house number for our home.  I had visions of making a belly cast when I got hugely pregnant and then mosaicing the belly cast, but my daughter had other visions and was born early - before I got around to doing the belly cast.  I haven't done any mosaic projects since then.

Once my daughter was born, sewing became my new craft of choice.  Knitting, my fall-back craft, took too much time that I no longer had, but I still wanted to produce cute things.  I've sewn skirts, dresses, tops, pants and now quilts for my daughter. I bought a special ruffle foot for my sewing machine which I love a bit too much.  My next sewing goals are to make some things for me. 

Then, I got into beading - basic wire wrapping and jewelry making.  I bought many tools for this new craft and have created some pieces that I love.  Sewing and beading are both quicker than knitting, but not as portable.  My commuting time is no longer productive crafting time. 

Now, I feel the pull of a new craft.  Metalsmithing.  I feel myself about to fall in, but I'm hesitating a bit because it's going to be a financial investment to get started.  At a minimum, I'm estimating a $200 initial investment to get some basic tools (including a fire extinguisher!)  I've already been watching videos and reading books, and feel beyond excited about making my own rings, pendants and clasps.  My guess is that I'm about to fall over this new craft cliff.

Pinterest

On June 15th, 2012 at 2:32pm (I only know this because I looked back), I posted on Facebook:

           "Am I the only one who doesn't understand how Pinterest works?"

A number of people replied many of whom also didn't understand it, and one friend who had never heard of it.  But, a few people wrote about how great it is and what they use it for.

A few hours later, I was hooked; today, I am still totally hooked.  Here are some examples of how I use it.  

• My biggest Pinterest obsession is pinning pictures of jewelry and quilts that I want to eventually copy.  
•  I've been working on reorganizing my craft area (hopefully a blog post is coming soon about that), and one way I cut down the clutter in my craft room was by using Pinterest to pin things which I had previously printed.  Printing stuff hasn't been a great option for me because inevitably, I can't find print outs when I need them, and they create way too much clutter in our house.   
• For some reason, I'm pre-worrying about after school programs and summer camps.  My daughter still has 2 and a half years left of all-day preschool, but once she starts Kindergarten, I'll need some solutions so that my husband and I can work at times other than when her school is in session.  To keep track of options I hear about, I've created a board on Pinterest that I can look back at when the appropriate time comes.   

So, if you're on the fence about trying Pinterest, consider this an endorsement post.  I love, love Pinterest. 

2013 New Year's Resolutions

Ah, New Year's Resolutions.  I like the opportunity to look at my life - figure out what is working and what isn't and try to make some changes.  Instead of a list, this year I created a visual showing 3 areas of my life, each with 4 goals.   Expect some follow up posts on this.

Top 12 of 2012

2012 is coming to a close, and with it comes best of lists. So, without further ado, and in randomly numbered order, here are 12 of my favorite things that happened in 2012.  Predictably, many of these things have to do with my daughter. 

  
1. My little girl turned 2.  Here's a picture of her at her birthday party wearing a dress sewed by me.  Yes, I'm proud of the dress.   Now, she's 2 and 8 months; she grows and learns every day.  She's a wonder to watch. 
2. We had a trip planned to Washington, DC.  Anticipating a meltdown or 2, I had knit a sock monkey to give to Star on the plane.  Just as a tantrum was developing and naptime was being resisted, I gave Star the sock monkey.  She immediately hugged sock monkey and loved it.  Then, she peacefully fell asleep on Daddy.
3. One of our neighbors was having her bat mitzvah and we were invited.  Star wanted to wear her sneakers, but I wanted her to wear fancy purple shoes.  She didn't want to wear the purple shoes.  I said, "but the purple shoes want to go to the bat mitzvah!"  She looked for a few seconds at the purple shoes, and then hugged them and said "OK, you can come."
4. One day, I was snuggling Star and I said, "Star, I love you."  She, very sweetly, replied "and I love daddy."
5. Potty training was both one of my most favorite and least favorite moments.  There were parts that were totally awful, but I'm so glad that it's over.  The environment has breathed a sigh of relief, and it's given my girl so much independence and made her very proud. 
6. Obama was re-elected for a 2nd term.
7. In my entrepreneurial life, I'm very proud of how I grew KinderCycle and then sold it.  Prior to KinderCycle, I had started 3 other businesses, but this was the only one that "succeeded" by many different definitions. 
8. I'm totally late to the party here, but in 2012 I became passionate about Pinterest.  Before I tried it, I didn't understand it, but now I don't know how I lived without it.  I can sort all my random craft projects and recipes without having to print them out and maintain some sort of paper organizational system.  I also "pin" non-crafty things that I want to remember - like, I have a "board" of after school programs that may be good for Star in a few years.
9. I switched to Kaiser.  I resisted for years.  I didn't want to give up "my doctors", and I thought that a PPO was way better than the Kaiser HMO system.  But, a few months ago, my employer made it fiscally irresponsible to stay on my PPO plan.  So, I did some investigation, and then switched over to Kaiser.  And, I love it.  I feel taken care of.  Their systems make sense and are relatively easy to navigate.  They have an online component that makes it easy to communicate with my doctors and track my appointments.  And, it's cheap!  They seem to have figured out that many people have similar medical issues, and they've figured out how to be efficient and deal with those issues.  Also, with Kaiser, they are both the insurance company and the provider, so it is in their interest to focus on the preventative side which I think is great for the consumer.  I am loving Kaiser and I'm beating myself up about all the money I wasted for years before I switched.  
10. I started the tattoo removal process on tattoo #1.  This is a long story which I may get into at another time, but I also may just leave it at this.
11. I got tattoo #2 which is the tattoo that I should have gotten in the first place. I totally LOVE tattoo #2. 
12. We started paying for a food delivery service.  Through the year, we moved through a few different services and over the past few months, we've settled on one that we're really happy with.  Seriously, this is a LIFE CHANGER for me.  Maybe I don't have the capacity that other moms have, but I can't work 5 days a week while commuting an hour each way, run a company on the side, then make dinner while being a pleasant mom and wife.  And, being a pleasant mom and wife is a goal of mine (which I sometimes achieve!)  So, getting dinners delivered is fabulous. 

Letter to My Toddler

Dear Star,

Please don't break mommy's glasses anymore.  If heredity is a factor, then you will likely start wearing glasses and contacts in about 6 years, and you'll begin to understand that having broken glasses is really not a good thing. 

Much love,
your vision impaired mommy